Because I Told You So

It sucks to get a colossal hospital bill, but it's almost worth the pain (almost) for the chance to take advantage of the secret-handsha...

There's a scene in watch in which the four leads are crammed into a car on a stakeout, complaining about how bored they are. It's ...

1. No worries - Only works for Aussies. SoCal folk have attempted to co-opt this but it's just not taking. 2. Cheers - Solely for Bri...

"Mmmph blrrg grug Batman glogg freedom raaar!" -Bane, The Dark Knight Rises The movie's gimp mask-wearing, MMA fighter-like...

After Cars 2 and the middling but still enjoyable Brave, Pixar has proven it's no longer the immortal dynamo it seemed to be for its fir...

"Is this Spider-Man 4?" my 5-year-old son, Luke, whispered as the movie started. "No, it's Spider-Man 1," I replie...

1. Shitkicker — A smarmy, wise-ass take on cow herding, crop dusting and barn painting. 2. Clockwatcher — A smarmy, wise-ass take on meet...

Seth MacFarlane is a clever bastard. He knows that only way to get away with transferring his Peter Griffin voice to a walking, talking tedd...

1. Katy Perry. She knows three notes: Talk, yell and shout. 2. Rihanna. She recognizes that "ella" rhymes with "ella,...

It would really suck if we found out a meteor was careening toward earth, set to end all life in a matter of days. But as Seeking a Friend f...

1. Pants pocket sweat destroys your old, outdated phone, giving you an excuse to get a new one. 2. The inside temperature of your car matc...

Very excited about the post. Check it out here .

Way back in the olden days, Adam Sandler was the funniest man alive. He was so talented that he actually made Saturday Night Live a show tha...

1. Construction. I'm bad with my hands, don't follow directions well, don't like heat or cold and all the bending over and lugg...

A note to future space explorers: When searching out the galaxy for intelligent life, steer away from planets filled with aliens with mouths...

1. Survivor — I could fill this list with reality shows, but I'll save myself from embarrassment by stopping with this one. I spent too...

Men in Black 3 is not only a time travel movie, but a time machine that takes you back to when a Men in Black movie could actually be good. ...

Note: I believe this list played a large part in my position as videogames editor being eliminated at GuySpeed. I wrote this list for the si...

It's no longer sad that Jean-Claude Van Damme's career is reduced to direct-to-video movies. It's been so long since the days of...

A lot of brilliant movie comedians blow their loads early in their careers with their best stuff, collecting enough fans to stick by them as...