Sunday, December 23, 2007
One advantage of getting married
Is that you can get your wife to do all your Christmas shopping, but only if you're able to demonstrate profound incompetence at gift giving (very easy for me). Even better, you don't have to buy her anything, because her money is yours, so she's really just buying something for herself through you. No wonder gay people want to get in on this action.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Why won't Boston teams lose ever?
The Red Sox won the world series. The Celtics are 19-2. The Patriots are undefeated. The Bruins have the second best record in the NHL's eastern conference. The Boston Hobgoblins of Major League Soccer have never lost a game (They don't exist, but still, they've never lost). How annoying. It's gotten to the point where I want Boston teams to lose more than my own teams to win. I may have to go into training and become a four sport professional athlete/owner of all pro franchises, trading myself from team to team daily and winning games personally in order to ensure all Boston squads lose their next 50 matchups. Only then will I find happiness in life.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
On sugar cookies
Soft sugar cookies are good. but regular, hard sugar cookies, unfrosted or with that detestable, flavorless primary color slop lopped on them are as revolting a reclaimed water. I resent everyone who likes them.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Mike Stoops does not understand the game of football
Dear Mr. Stoops, when you are down by 10 with 2 minutes left, you need two scores to tie the game. It makes sense to kick a field goal rather than wasting time trying to get a touchdown, or worse, going for it on fourth down and failing. I suggest reading "Football for Dummies" over the offseason to familiarize yourself with strategy.
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