Sunday, April 08, 2007

Interview: The Easter Bunny

PV: Hey, what's up Easter?

EB: I prefer the nickname E.B., Pimpaster E. Would you like a Peep or a dyed egg?

PV: Got any Cadbury Eggs?

EB: Hell no. I mean, I do, but I wouldn't give those away for free. They're as expensive as a motha...

PV: Shut yo mouth.

EB: But I'm talkin' bout Cadbury.

PV: And I can dig it.

EB: Candy's getting more expensive these days. Candy, gas and bitches.

PV: Bitches? What do you mean?

EB: You know - ladies of the night.

PV: Why, Easter Bunny, you frequent prostitutes? I never would have guessed. Don't you think that kind of activity is out of line for a religious holiday mascot?

EB: Dude, I'm a rabbit and I got needs. When I'm not out delivering baskets and hiding eggs, I be fornicating all sorts.

PV: Right, but shouldn't you live up to Christian ideals?

EB: Christian? I'm pagan, bro.

PV: But no! You're all about Jesus and the resurrection and saving humanity's souls!

EB: Nope. Common misconception. The name of the holiday Easter is derived from the pagan fertility goddess Ishtar. Get it, Easter-Ishtar, Ishtar-Easter?

PV: Whoah. You're going all Da Vinci Code on me.

EB: Crazy, ain't it? It's OK though. Most people nowadays think Easter is all about bunnies and eggs and whatnot. Kids all over the world worship me.

PV: Those kids are so dumb. How can they possibly believe in such an ignorant concept as you? A giant rabbit who distributes baskets of plastic grass and candy?

EB: You used to believe in me.

PV: Shut your mouth.

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