Sunday, November 11, 2007

A list of the only good songs ever made

For the most part, I don't like music. I don't actively despise it - my full-blown musical hatred is reserved for only the greatest evils such as U2, Sean Combs, Bruce Springsteen and nearly all country and death metal, but I'm apathetic to most music in general. Concerts bore me and I can safely say I will never again buy a CD. Very few tunes are worth a $1 download, or even the time it would take to find it on one of the illegal pirate services.

Thus, I see no need to ever buy an 80 gigabyte iPod, because there's no way I could ever fill even 1 gigabyte with songs I respect. Here are the only songs I actually like, and I'm sick of even most of these. (Bear in mind I have either no or awful taste in music, and my ignorance is mostly due to the art form's failure to intrigue me enough to do more research.)

1. Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall. I found it catchy when it first came out but now I'm sick of it, always skip past it on my MP3 player and am considering deleting it.

2. Fidelity - Regina Spektor. I've got a thing for Russian pop I guess.

3. Steady as She Goes - The Raconteurs. Another song I loved at first but now skip every time. Gonna delete it soon unless something changes.

4. They - Jem. I skip past this one 6 out of every 10 times, but when I'm in the mood for its haunting bounciness the tune really does it for me.

5. White Houses - Vanessa Carlton. This is a truly inspired ballad about that precious, unforgettable phase in your life in which you're still a kid but not yet tied down by life's drudgery. It gives me chills whenever I listen to it, which is rarely because usually I'm not equipped to handle the rush so I skip it.

6. Low - Cracker. Grunge at its near best.

7. Sometimes I Don't Mind - Suicide Machines. A funny gimmick tune; a love song written to a dog.

8. Until We Get Caught - Hit the Lights. I fell in love with this one while watching the trailer for "Madden NFL 07." Remember that video game, because there are two others on this list that came from there. If I knew what I was doing I would make a tribute video to this with clips from "300," because the song captures the film's spirit.

9. Stupid Girls - Pink. By far her best song. A direct attack on Paris Hilton and her ilk.

10. Dirty Little Secret - All American Rejects. Great punk.

11. I Met a Girl - Wheat. A whiny, loserish song that pulled me in a few years ago. Probably gonna delete it.

12. All Downhill from Here - Newfound Glory. Pop/punk is my weakness - the closest thing to a genre I like as a whole. Get ready for a bunch more songs just like this.

13. Around the World - ATC. An IBM commercial, I think, made me rediscover this. It's the one that goes lalalalalal and everbyody's singing lalalalala. Good stuff.

14. Is it Any Wonder - Keane. Another "Madden NFL 07" gem. I didn't like it at first but it wore me down.

15. Hollywood - Madonna. Closest thing to a good song Madonna has ever made. I don't hate her, but she's very mediocre. I like this one because she admits what a failure all her movies are.

16. Miss Murder - AFI. I almost never listen to this one, but it's just good enough to stay on my list.

17. Let's Get Retarded - Black Eye Peas. I should get rid of this just because the band is such a sellout for making that alternate, censored version. But I can't.

18. Try - Nelly Furtado. I actually hate this one now. Why don't I drop it? Can't say.

19. La La - Ashlee Simpson. A better song than anything the Beatles ever made. Ashlee really does have talent. Don't care what anyone else thinks.

20. Tune Out - The Format. A song about how awful Phoenix traffic and smoking inside a car are.

21. Sitting, Waiting Wishing - Jack Johnson. A primal howl of unrequited love. Genius.

22. What I've Done - Linkin Park. The lead singer of the band seems like a douche, but I like his brand of bitching. The Transformers movie end credits sold me on this one.

23. Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne. So so good. So so ashamed for thinking so.

24. No Doubt - New. Gwen Stefani is by far the greatest singer to ever live. And she's still not all that great.

25. What's Your Number - Cypress Hill. A funny bullshit bunch of bragadacio about a night that I'm sure never really happened.

26. Cupid's Chokehold - Gym Class Heroes. This one truly defines what love is. It doesn't let you walk on clouds - it's truly incapacitating, grabbing you by the throat.

27. Do You Want to Know a Secret? - Beatles. The only Beatles song you'll find on here. What was the big deal?

28. Bohemian Like You - Dandy Warhols. "Flushed Away," the cartoon rat movie, used this for a chase montage and I scribbled down the lyrics so I could find it. Thank you Google.

29. Hazy Shade of Winter - Bangles. Way better than the verzion sung by dudes.

30. Into the Great Wide Open - Tom Petty. My dad used to hum this song when I was a teenager. Drilled it into my brain.

31. Molly - Sponge. The 16 candles down the drain song. Don't know what it means, but as the lyrics say, "don't ask why."

32. Brain Stew - Green Day. Much of what Green Days does, especially "Time of Your Life" and "When I Come Around," makes me want to puke, but this one is a great song about being worn out and burned to a crisp. It's probably based on drug and booze induced hangovers on tour.

33. Stuck - Stacie Orrico. A one-hit wonder that wasn't even a hit. Kinda sad.

34. I Get Around - Tupac. The greatest hip-hop song ever made.

35. 2Wicky - Hooverphonic. A bunch of sung numbers. Sounds like a trippy Sesame Street thing.

36. Out Here All Night - Damone. Another Madden tune. I thought it was stupid at first, but it grew on me in a huge way. I love its naivete.

37. Blinded by the Light - Manfred Mann's Earth Band. The Xbox 360 launch title "Amped" hooked me on this nonsense.

38. A Whole New World - Aladdin and Jasmine. From probably the sexiest scene of any animated movie. I love the way he makes her feel guilty for cheating on him, and how she's totally willing to ditch Aladdin for his secret identity. Hot.

39. About Her - Malcolm McLaren. "Kill Bill Vol. 1" showed me the light.

40. All the Things She Said - Tatu. There I go with the Russians again. Plus bonus lesbianism and catchy lyrics.

41. America - Bree Sharp. I'm sure she's working at a Motel 6 now as a maid, but she's $16 bucks richer than she would be because I bought her horrible CD off of one good song that was on the radio back in 2000.

42. Angel is the Centerfold - Charlie Daniels Band. Catchy but idiotic lyrics. The guy is a moron for being offended that a schoolmate became a porn princess. Be proud, dude.

43. Angry Johnny - Poe. And Poe, I'm sure, cleans the toilets at the same Motel 6. I'm still pissed at her for canceling a free concert she was going to on campus back when I was in college.

44. Around the World - Daft Punk. No excuses here. I'm a tool.

45. Fly Me to the Moon - Astrud Gilberto. She does it better than Sinatra in her weird foreign accent.

46. Back to Life - Soul 2 Soul. I didn't care for this song when I was a kid. But a commercial a few years ago made me like it.

47. Bandages - Hot Hot Heat. Fast and cool. It'll be my favorite song for a week and then I won't listen to it for 5 years.

48. Because the Night - 10,000 Maniacs. Just begging to play as background music as a montage in a comedy about a farmer who romances a sheep.

49. In the Blood - Better Than Ezra. For many years I held up Ezra as the greatest band in the world. Now, not so much.

50. Big Poppa - Biggie Smalls. The second greatest hip-hop tune ever.

51. For the Longest Time - Billy Joel. He's way, way overrated, but at least he made a couple listenable songs.

52. Blurry - Puddle of Mudd. This one applies to the way so many women felt about me when I was single.

53. What Can I Say - Brandi Carlile. I don't like "Gray's Anatomy," but I caught the episode that featured this song and I was smitten.

54. Breakdown - Tantric. I want this song to play after every touchdown I score in "Tecmo Bowl."

55. Breathe Your Name - Sixpence None the Richer. Breathy and lyrical.

56. Breathless - The Corrs. The NBC ad campaign a few years ago that co-opted this song almost made me dislike it.

57. Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies. Don't really understand it, but I still like it. A far better alternative to BNL's "If I Had a Million Dollars."

58. Celebrity Skin - Hole. Courtney Love is so dirty and yet so talented.

59. Christmas Time - Blink 182. A song that encapsulates how I feel about Christmas.

60. Cornflake Girl - Tori Amos. Makes no sense at all.

61. Butterfly - Crazy Town. Didn't like it when it was popular.

62. Cruel Summer - Bananarama. "The Karate Kid" series gave me two songs to love. This was one of them.

63. Crystal Village - Pete Yorn. An aching lament about a faded romance.

64. Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta - Geto Boys. How could you watch "Office Space" and not love this one?

65. Diamonds and Guns - Transplants. References Karl Malone. Badass.

66. Upside Down - Diana Ross. Nothing in "Dreamgirls" could compete with this.

67. Digital Boy - Bad Religion. Philosophical old-school punk is another weakness.

68. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult. The mediocre video game "Prey" convinced me to like this by using it in a scene where you get kidnapped by aliens.

69. What Happens Tomorrow - Duran Duran. Their one good song, made decades after everyone stopped caring about them.

70. Every Other Time - LFO. The one good Boy Band song.

71. Extraodrinary - Liz Phair. I liked her moved to pop selloutdom.

72. Fat Lip - Sum 41. The redeemer of the "American Pie 2" soundtrack.

73. Female of the Species - Space. Reminds me of the Koopa Island tune in "Super Mario Kart."

74. Fill it Up Again - Indigo Girls. Too good for its own good.

75. Float On - Modest Mouse. Upbeat and nostalgic.

76. Flood - Jars of Clay. One of two great Jesus Rock songs.

77. Follow You Down - Gin Blossoms. Good stalker tune.

78. Freak of the Week - Marvellous 3. I've been to one of their concerts and bought their CD, just because of this one song.

79. Get Em Outta Here - Sprung Monkey. Fun groove about pimping the streets of San Diego.

80. Girls Not Grey - AFI. Really really bored with this.

81. Good - Better Than Ezra. Reminds me of getting pummeled in my first year of varsity football.

82. Disease - Bad Religion. Oh Bad Religion, you're so deep.

83. Satellite - Guster. Got it from "Martian Child." Probably my favorite song at the moment - absolutely nails how it feels to be a dad.

84. The Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani. Hate the video, love the tune.

85. Heartache for Everyone - Indigo Girls. A decent second-stringer to "Fill it Up Again."

86. Hit Em Up Style - Blue Cantrell. Never, ever cheat on Blue Cantrell.

87. Hody Hody - Shoe Bomb. A local band no one has heard of or ever will.

88. Glory of Love - Peter Cetera. And the second great Daniel-song, this one from "Karate Kid II."

89. I Do - Lisa Loeb. Oddly, not the only Lisa Loeb song on the list.

90. Nearly Lost You - Screaming Trees. Better than most of the stuff Nirvana made.

91. I Want it All - Warren G. Doesn't everyone?

92. I Wish - Skee Lo. And doesn't every man who's 5-8 wish he was a little bit taller?

93. If I Can Go - Angie Martinez. Spanglish sensation.

94. If I Could Talk I'd Tell You - Lemonheads. "There's Something About Mary" gave me this and one other.

95. Igniton - R Kelly. I refuse to refer to this as a remix. No one has ever heard of the original Ignition, so this is the Ignition of record.

96. Irish Blood English Heart - Morrisey. "FIFA 06" made me fall under the trance of this hate-filled political diatribe.

97. Island in the Sun - Weezer. I already liked it before I saw the movie "Out Cold," but the comedy cemented my adoration.

98. It's All Been Done - Barenaked Ladies. Easygoing groove about a desperate crush that won't be consummated in this life, but maybe has in the past and will in the next.

99. It's Alright It's OK - Leah Andreone. I paid $8 for the single. At the time it was worth every penny.

100. Joyride - Roxette. Liked it a little at age 13, loved in during college when it was played before soccer and baseball games I covered.

101. Jump Right In - The Urge. The theme song for every illicit, ill-advised hookup.

102. Jump Start - The Hang Ups. Kevin Smith made the single greatest musical montage in movie history. The tune plays in "Chasing Amy" as Ben Affleck hangs out with Joey Lauren Adams, desperately hoping he can friend her into a relationship. The chorus goes "Never will regret this..."

103. Kodochrome - Paul Simon. "Cops and Robbersons" made me like it.

104. Lack of Water - Why Store. Should be the theme song of Arizona.

105. Lay Me Down - Live. Reminds me of driving to Phoenix in 110 degrees with no air conditioning.

106. Layla - Eric Clapton. The slow version of this sucks. The unplugged owns all.

107. Let Go - Frou Frou. "Garden State" taught me to appreciate this.

108. Let's Forget About It - Lisa Loeb. There she is again.

109. Let's Make a Deal - Dangerman.

110. Lightning Strikes - Lou Christie. A doo-wop like song that kills.

111. Numb - Linkin Park. "Miami Vice" convinced me.

112. Little Black Backpack - Stroke 9. Reminds me of winning a Scooby-Doo in a carnie game at Magic Mountain.

113. Looks Like They Were Right - Lit. For some reason it seems to be a song about turning 30.

114. Loser - 3 Doors Down. One time a friend of mine sung along with this on the radio with alarming conviction.

115. Love Fool - The Cardigans. Weird song to like, I know.

116. Love You Madly - Cake. Another song about love that isn't as great as it could be.

117. Makin' Money - Handsome Devil. "Out Cold" showed me another awesome punk song.

118. Man Enough for Me - Toni Braxton. I was man enough for you back in '95, Toni.

119. I Love You - Martina McBride. The only country song I like. You could hardly call it country though.

120. Motown Song - Rod Stewart. Really cool cartoon video went with this one.

121. Mr. Blue Sky - Electric Light Orchestra. The trailer for "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" won me over.

122. The Mummer's Dance - Loreena McKinnit. Reminds me of "The Legend of Zelda."

123. My Boo - Ghosttown DJs. I think it was MTV's "The Grind" that hooked me on this back in high school.

124. Never Let You Go - Third Eye Blind. "Say it isn't So" made me like it.

125. Never Say Never - That Dog. Heard this once on the radio and had to have it.

126. Never You Mind - Semisonic. Much better than "Closing Time," which made me buy the CD.

127. Oi to the World - No Doubt. Weird jangly Christmas song.

128. Over My Head - Lit. The theme song of me becoming a film critic at age 22.

129. I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic at the Disco. I refuse to put an exclamation mark after Panic. It's my way of lashing out at the man. I'm bored with the song.

130. Pardon Me - Incubus. Really getting tired of this one.

131. Peaceful World - John Mellencamp. The inverse of "This is Our Country."

132. Playa's Holiday - TNDY. Because every playa needs a holiday.

133. Pretty Deep - Tanya. I heard it at Taco Bell and my friends made fun of me for saying it was a good song.

134. Prophecy - Remy Zero. The American version of "The Last Kiss" introduced me to the song, which I liked better when I thought it went "have sex with me now."

135. Ride Wit Me - Nelly. One of the billion songs about making it big and rubbing it in everyone's face. The best one, I daresay.

136. River of Dreams - Billy Joel. Don't think I've listened to it all the way through in 10 years. Can't let it go though.

137. Roll to Me - Della Mitri. Ah, summer of '95.

138. Romeo's Got Nothin' on Me - KGB. So so so catchy.

139. Round the Way Girl - LL Cool J. When you become famous it's much easier to get some play with the uppity ladies you grew up with, according to Mr. Cool J.

140. Saint Joe on the School Bus - Marcy Playground. Better than "Sex and Candy."

141. Satellite - Dave Matthews. Good violin action.

142. Save Your Love - Bad Boys Blue. Brings to mind my 8th grade crush.

143. Seether - Veruca Salt. A lot of us have something we'd like to have crammed into the lead singer's mouth back int the day.

144. Self Control - Laura Branigan. "Vice City" indoctrinated me.

145. Shadowboxer - Fiona Apple. Whoever dumped you was crazy, Fiona. But then so are you.

146. She's Going to Change the World - Chris Cornell. Women with power can be intimidating.

147. Sheep Go to Heaven - Cake. My atheist friend believed this to be a religious parable.

148. My Favorite Mistake - Sheryl Crowe. Dedicated presciently to Lance Armstrong?

149. Sin So Well - Rebekah. Overpaid for the single of it.

150. Six Feet Deep - Geto Boys. The thought-provoking gangsta jam of 8th grade.

151. In This Life - Chantal. One billion movie trailers can't be wrong.

152. Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel. Two billion movie trailers can't be wrong.

153. Sorrow - Bad Religion. My religious beliefs identify fairly strongly with the lyrics.

154. Soft Serve - Soul Coughing. What a metaphor.

155. Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie. It was from "Garden State" I think.

156. Spiderwebs - No Doubt. Like every other dumbass in 1996, I had this as my voice mail intro.

157. Suddenly - Soraya. Reminds me of my cousin's hot friend she brought to Thanksgiving when I was a teenager. I was too shy.

158. Sunday Shining - Finley Quaye. Sounds like Fraggle Rock.

159. Superman - REM. A look inside the minds of 14-year-old comic book obsessives.

160. Swing Low - Hole. Courtney, the chariot needs to swing very low for you.

161. Swing Swing - All American Rejects. Should be played at least once at every baseball game.

162. Take it Off - The Donnas. Even better on "Guitar Hero."

163. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand. Great PSP promo song. Shouldn'ta dropped it.

164. Creep - STP. Take time with a wounded hand. Don't know what it means. Don't care.

165. Tangled Up in Me - Skye Sweetnam. Another one non hit no wonder.

166. Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus. For the longest time I thought it was sung by a chick.

167. Tonight and the Rest of My Life - Nina Gordon. Some jewelry commercial sold me on it. Argh.

168. The Passenger - Iggy Pop. "Waking Life" trailer, baby. "You're a dreamer? Don't see too many of you around lately."

169. Then the Morning Comes - Smash Mouth. Fell in love hard to this one.

170. Think Twice - Eve 6. Overprotective much?

171. These Words - Natasha Bedingfield. Liked it more before I listened to it 10,000 times. Good song about the creative process.

172. This is the Day - Ivy. "Mary" strikes again.

173. Time and Time Again - Chronic Future. CF makes up for the annoying "Scottsdale Brat."

174. What I Am - Edie Brickell. Not as deep as you think, Edie. But deep enough.

175. Tropicalia - Beck. The theme song for overpriced cruises.

176. Underground - Ben Folds Five. High school losers unite.

177. Unpretty - TLC. Their only good song.

178. Video Killed the Radio Star - Presidents. Punk remake bested the original.

179. Waltz for a Night - Julie Delpy. "Before Sunset" is one of the greatest movies.

180. What I Didn't Know - Anthaneum. My apartment neighbor played with my heart.

181. What You Waiting For - Gwen Stefani. Reminds you to get your ass in gear with creative projects before you're too old.

182. Yeah Whatever - Splendor. An anti love song.

183. When I Grow Up - Garbage. I like it more through the eyes of my son.

184. You Get What You Give - New Radicals. Way overplayed, but it's a part of me.

185. Your Woman - White Town. A little too freaky, but steals its beat from the "Star Wars" theme.

186. Youth of the Nation - P.O.D. That other good Christian song.


Judicial said...


You like WAY, WAY too many songs. So, I am forced to respect you less than I used to. I think that I've only heard of less than 3% of those songs or the singing people who singerize us with them. I also don’t recall ever humming "Into the Great Wide Open" to you ever when you were a child. But I am old and senile, so I could have forgotten. Also, I'd be embarrassed if I were you since you actually know who sings half of those songs and what their songs are actually called. Just because a minstrel calls a song some name doesn't make it so. This gives them way too much power and respect.

Plus, you miss some very important songs. Here’s the list of the 4 most important songs not on your list: (1) Regulators by Warren G, (2) Godspo Maikme-doo My-Mind by DMX, (3) We Are the Champions by Queen, which has to remind you of returning home victoriously from high school football games: "Bawjinal down in the jup-a-sceen. Junamal-gonna-bena-ganna-reana screen. You've got mud on your face you big disgrace..." & that song by Eminem where he says "Chris Kirkpatrick you can get you’re a$$ [edited for children who might be present] kicked more than those little Limp Biscuit Baskets." Anyway, overall, I'd say that you need to cut your list by at least 3/4's. You need to get someone like Mitt Romney to come in, look at your list, analyze your list, and trim it for its excesses. Then he can also fire more worthless singing people before they have a chance to singerize America anymore.


David Neylon said...

Yea, I know this is a old post but I just ran across your site and been blog-sucking.

I just wondered if you'd ever listened to 'Goodbye Stranger' by Supertramp. Since you have 'Blinded by the Light' I think you might like it.

Unknown said...

Come on man, I did a google search for 'mumers dance' and 'best songs ever' trying to find someone who appreciates great music as I do.

I am (sort of) like you and like very few songs but the ones I like I am very fond of. I thought I lucked out and found someone with some good taste in music but most this stuff is same old-same old. I had high hopes man, high hopes.. but you didn't even meet my lowest of expectations.