Thursday, July 18, 2013

Top 5 Zombie Stories That Have Not Yet Been Told

1. The Zom Bee -- In an attempt to win the Spelling Bee, a 10-year-old boy becomes a zombie who hungers for correct spelling rather than human brains in order to achieve the single-minded dedication it takes to become a champion.

2. ZomBaby -- An undead baby wreaks adorable havoc and hijinks as he gets the zombie apocalypse off to a gurgling start and manages to hit his clueless grandpa, played by Tim Allen, in the balls every 10 minutes.

3. Downton Zombie -- A struggling but proud Victorian-era family seeks to cut costs and keep up appearances by soliciting a staff of animated corpses to serve and passive-aggressively resent them.

4. Hannah and Her Dead, Rotting Sisters -- A ripe 105 years old and still intent on playing the romantic lead in his neurotically philosophical comedies, Woody Allen discovers that the only romantic foils age-appropriate for him are those who died long ago but have come back to life.

5. OK, so I give up. There have been so many damned zombie movies, TV series, comics and books that there are only four zombie stories remaining that have yet to be told, and I have listed them all already.

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