Sunday, May 06, 2007

Interview: Lion-O

PV: Thanks for sitting down with me, Lion-O. I must say you're still looking good after all these years.

LO: Thunder! Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats, Ho!

PV: Come again?

LO: Oh, sorry. I'm on my hands free here, calling out a Thundercats raid against that rascally Safari Joe. didn't realize you had started talking.

PV: Too cool. Who's on the line? Snarf? Cheetara? Tygra?

LO: Um, ah, someone else.

PV: Who?

LO: (Sighs). Uh, 1-800-555-TELL.

PV: Huh. I knew you could get stock quotes, sports scores and movie times on that hotline, but I didn't realize you could call Thundercats defense raids!

LO: Well, um, yeah. You totally... uh...

PV: Lion-O! I'm on to you. Come clean, you're really just pretending to call out Thundercats defense raids, aren't you now.

LO: Yeah. The thing is, I'm just sad and lonely. The other Thundercats don't return my calls anymore.

PV: Why?

LO: It all stems from a Christmas paty back in '87. You know how it goes. I had one too many drinks and all of a sudden I'm telling racist jokes, coughing up hairballs and my tail is up Pumyra's skirt. Suddenly I'm a pariah with no friends who can't find a job anywhere across the galaxy from from Thundera to Third Earth.

PV: You could always go work for Mumm-Ra. He was always trying to tempt you to join him and rule Third Earth as your first lieutenant.

LO: I'm aghast at the suggestion. Never would I join the forces of evil.

PV: Admit it, Lion-O. You applied and couldn't get an interview, right?

LO: Yeah.

PV: Lion-O, you're an alcoholic, aren't you?

LO: No, I rarely drink, actually. But I am an addict.

PV: Crack? Heroine? Guitar Hero II?

LO: Thundercatnip.

PV: How cliche.

LO: I know. I'm ashamed. But my life isn't a total loss, right? At the height of my fame I inspired young boys like you to become great, honorable contributors to society! Surely that must count for something.

PV: Dude, I'm an entertainment writer who makes up imaginary interviews with cartoon superheroes. I contribute nothing to society.

LO: I think I'll go kill myself now.

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