Dear Comcast,
I'm writing to express my outrage over the interrupted broadcast Sunday evening. I was sitting at home with my family and friends, taking part in that great American tradition known as porn watching, when suddenly a 30-second clip of the Super Bowl flashed onscreen.
It's difficult to express how offended I was at this - I hesitate to even utter the abhorrent word - football. I mean, there were children and old people in the room! And there we were, attempting to enjoy some honest, wholesome sexual entertainment when we were bombarded with footage of grotesque, chemically-enhanced behemoths throwing one another around and committing acts of grotesque violence on one another.
At first I thought it some sort of plot twist or narrative flourish. After all, beloved porn movies are known for their unpredictability as much as their subversive, ironic and oh-so-erotic humor. I expected the helmets and shoulder pads to be shed in due course for some lovemaking.
After all, it started out innocently enough, with a man approaching a group of fellows who were bent over with their butts in the air. He chose his favorite, stuck his hands onto the gentleman's erogenous zone and and began yelling out orgasmically as all the others remained frozen in rapt attention. But then the players commenced with a revolting display of what lowlifes refer to as "athletics." I watched, waited, and came to realize that as the disgusting display continued it became all too obvious what was really going on.
We were innocent victims of some horrendous, purile prank, and I don't know that we will ever fully be able to recover. We put our trust in you, Comcast, and you violated it as Debbie did Dallas. Who do you take us for? We are not the slobbering, perverse cro-magnons who would put up with such drivel.
I demand a full refund of my last seven years' cable bills and am highly considering a switch to Direct TV or Dish Network, which to my knowledge never let their porn feeds become polluted with such abominations.
Good day, sirs.
Phil Villarreal
Tucson, AZ
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