Dear friends, family and Guy Who Empties Recycle Bins,
It was a fantastic year of knowledge and development in our household.
Four-year-old Luke has started to read and serve the galactic good by
helping Star Fox defeat the evil Andross on 3DS, two-year-old Emma has
nailed her letter sounds, as well mastered Jessica's technique for
getting what she wants via incessant nagging and a refusal to negotiate.
Murphy, our dog, has also taken an interest in literature. Whenever we
leave him alone with a book, he sinks his teeth into it. Meaning, as a
dog toy. He remains an illiterate derelict with the propensity for
inhaling board books, but his advances in potty training do far outpace
Emma's at this point, so we'll keep him for now.
The year was a good one in terms of business ventures. I've taken on a lot more freelance work. Freelancing is great because it
keeps you from unnecessary wastes of time such as "sleep" and "free
time" and allows you to make a bunch of extra money, some of which the
IRS is kind enough to let you hang on to for a few days before taking it
Jessica was the house's financial MVP for figuring out a brilliant way
to earn extra income -- shatter her knee. Thanks to her wise decision to
turn her ACL into confetti while on school grounds, disability
insurance covered all the costs and also made us $1,500 richer.
Things were tougher on the economic front for the younger members of our
household. Luke and Emma continue to fester among the rates of the
bitter unemployed. Emma took her inability to score gainful employment
particularly hard, and has become a fervent political activist. A crazed
right-wing extremist, she blames Obama for her failures and has started her own
daily tea parties to bring attention to a government that refuses to
roll back its child labor laws. She's also started a side protest called
Occupy Mommy and Daddy's Bed, in which she rises at 5 a.m. to shove
aside her family's version of the 1 percent when they're at their most
vulnerable and most willing to negotiate.
We look forward to more knee injuries in 2012, and hope
you're able to enjoy more of the same. Except for you, Recycle Bin Guy.
We don't know you and are frankly disturbed that you're reading this.