Sunday, June 10, 2007

Interview: Count Chocula

PV: Dude, you've got the best cereal ever made.

CC: I vant to suck your blood.

PV: Geez, man. That's a little too forward for my liking. Learn how to take a compliment.

CC: Sorry, I just thought I'd make it clear, the reason vy I agreed to this interview.

PV: Fair enough. You are, after all a vampire. But let me make one thing clear - there will be no blood sucking. I brought an oak dagger with me and I won't hesitate to drive it through that black little heart of yours if you so much as take a step toward me.

CC: I understand. It's just me and my hand tonight.

PV: A fan of Pink, are you?

CC: Yes, yes. Veddy much so. I go all the way back to her early stuff. I vonder if I have a shot vith her. Perhaps she ate my cereal growing up? You know I laced the cereal with a chemical that vas meant to make vair maidens vall hopelessly in love vith the Count.

PV: Don't think you have much of a shot, Choc. She's married. Besides, you wouldn't be good for her anyway. You'd probably just string her along for a while, suck her dry and send her into your harem of undead wenches.

CC: Vat can I say. The underground just don't stop for hos, yo.

PV: You like Tupac, too?

CC: Voo doesn't?

PV: I dunno. I just thought you'd be more into the Transylvanian music scene.

CC: I'm not vrom Transylvania, kid. I vas born and vaised in South Philly.

PV: Awesome. That's where Rocky is from. Did you ever run up the stairs of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and raise your fists in glory?

CC: All the time. The truth is, I vas hoping to be a boxer ven I vas just a young batling. I succumbed to the vamily business in order to please my vatter.

PV: That surprises me. You always seemed so happy with your work. What great people to work with - Frankenberry and Boo Berry.

CC: Bah! Zey vere just vanna-bees. My chocolate goodness is so much better tasting.

PV: Yeah, it's pretty good. I liked to mix it with Frankenberry. The after-milk - you know, the stuff left over after I was done with the cereal, was the most delicious blend of strawberry and chocolate.

CC: How dare you dilute the purity of my product by mixing it with something so inferior? A curse on your and your family for a thousand generations!

PV: Curse on you and your family for a billion generations.

CC: Hey! Please, take it back?

PV: Only if you take back your curse on me.

CC: Fine, done.

PV: Done.

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