PV: So what's your real name, anyway? Pit or Kid Icarus.
KI: My birth certificate says Pit, but my game was called Kid Icarus and my friends call me Flyboy. Call me Kid Icarus.
PV: Does that mean we're not friends?
KI: I don't have any friends anymore. It's funny. You start out successful and everyone flocks around you, but if your game doesn't get any sequels they all forget about you. That's just how our celebrity-obsessed culture is.
PV: Sounds kind of sad. So what have you been doing with your time?
KI: I've been keeping busy. My agent got me a co-starring gig in "Captain N: The Game Master," and I've nabbed a few cameos here and there.
PV: Right, like in old-school "Tetris" when you pop out on the ledge at the end of the level and play an instrument.
KI: Yeah, that and I'm also in "Super Smash Bros. Brawl" for the Wii. That kind of thing gives me some extra scratch. Not that I really need the money. I have the ability to fly, so I can steal a lot of shit easily whenever I need it.
PV: Say it ain't so, Kid Icarus! You've turned to a life of crime?
KI: Hey, I do what I gotta do. Don't try and get all sanctimonious on me. You've stolen things too. Remember Napster?
PV: Uh, that wasn't me. It was my roommate.
KI: Sure it was. You'd better hope that holds up in court when Metallica finally gets around to suing your ass.
PV: But I was innocent! Everyone was doing it! It was before iTunes!
KI: I'm not trying to make any moral judgments on you. I'm just getting you to see things my way. You stole music because you had easy access. My wings give me the same thing. If you had them you'd be just as much of a criminal as I am.
PV: No I wouldn't! I'd use my powers for good. I'd hop from platform to platform and shoot arrows at Medusa's heads.
KI: Trust me, Phil. I've seen you play - or at least try to play my game. You'd die 25 times on the first level and then give up for 20 years.
PV: Hey, ct me a break. I was a little kid. I downloaded your game on the Wii and I did much better.
KI: No you didn't. You died three times and then gave up again.
PV: But I got farther... Hey! How would you know about any of that anyway?
KI: Duh. I'm the guy in the game. I know everything.
PV: No, you're just a vain stalker. You fly into peoples' houses to watch them play your game, don't you?
KI: That too.