Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Beware the beerwolf

You may have heard of wolves, beer and werewolves. But one thing you haven't heard of is the beerwolf. These mythical beasts are invisible and live inside cans of beer.

It's they, not alcohol, that make you drunk. Beerwolves accomplish the task by sinking their invisible teeth into the sector of your brain that handles inhibition, infecting the sector with the ancient beerwolf curse that renders it null and void.

When multiple beers are chugged, the beerwolves band together inside your head, forming a vicious beerwolf pack from which escape is impossible. They tend to colonize inside the heads of alcoholics and can generate effective settlements that lead to entire societies and eventually civilizations, complete with elected government officials and scandal-ridden senate appointments.

If you can capture beerwolves they make pretty good pets, though. You don't trip over them because not only are they invisible, they have no mass and in fact are imaginary. This also helps cut down on food costs and tick spray.

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