Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Top 5 Reasons The Xbox One Will Suck (But I Will Still Buy One Like An Idiot)

5. No backward compatibility. You know those thousands of dollars you've spent on games the last 8 years? Go ahead and get rid of all of them because they won't work with the new system. But at least all those downloads you crammed into your 320gb hard drive will move right on over, yeah? Um, no. Those are dead to the Xbox One as well.

4. It pretty much always has to be connected to the internet. You know what's not always connected to the internet? The internet! Especially if you have Comcast, which goes down as often as records go right round. So now when I lose online access for two days in a row for no reason I'll no longer get to play any Xbox One games.

3. It makes it a pain in the rear to lend or give games to others. It lets you transfer ownership of games, but only after jumping through hoops. The paranoia to the design of this demented DRM restriction is of the Michael Douglas Falling Down variety. Sickening.

2. It costs $500 frikkin dollars. Seriously. Seriously? Seriously. For that price it should also distill its own vodka and pour me White Russians.

1. Seriously, it costs $500 dollars even though it's screwing you over in so many ways. Sure, it may be the lazy way out to use this reason twice, but I am really, really pissed about the price. But not pissed enough not to hand over the money.

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