Jay Leno did Conan O'Brien the biggest favor ever by stealing his job and pretending it was NBC's fault. Now suddenly a guy no one has watched or cared about for several years is suddenly the comic genius of our time with hordes of followers who have never seen his show, yet are willing to pen online diatribes, sign petitions and even picket corporate offices so justice will be served.
What I'm getting at, of course, is far more important than the piddling Tonight Show. Jay Leno, will you please tell the Arizona Daily Star that you want to be a general assignment metro reporter and lend me a few seconds in Conan's sympathy bully pulpit of wonder for just a day or two? I could really use the exposure. I've got a book to sell and some major self-esteem issues.
If you're not into general assignment metro reporting, perhaps you could swipe my associate editor title at the Consumerist? You could also bump me out of that gig. Or maybe even my OK! Magazine movie critic thing? How about Guy Who's Responsible For Taking Out Trash And Running Dishwasher at my house?
Come on, Jay. You know you want at least one of my jobs. And you'll only have to do my work until overwhelming public sentiment sweeps you aside and reinstates me to my rightful positions.
So will you just think about it, Jay? There's a half-eaten bag of Doritos in it for you.