If you had to choose one way to be maimed and murdered in the manner of a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory child, which one would you take?
-Charlie Bucket: Given the Willy Wonka empire, but also control of a dangerous, untested glass elevator that violates FAA regulations, or whatever the British version of the FAA is, if it has one, then collides with a stealth jet aircraft 17,000 feet above London.
-Violet Beuregarde: Eats an Everlasting Gobstopper that blows her up into a giant blueberry, after which she is rolled away to be "juiced," meaning squeezed until all the blue, fermented blood splatters out of her.
-Mike Teevee: Shrunk into a tiny version of himself and granted the ability to go in and out of television shows and presumably movies, but most likely not in HD. He meets his end when he wanders onto the episode of Sanford and Son just before it's canceled.
-Augustus Gloop: After a near-drowning in a lake of chocolate, get sucked into a drainage pipe, where he remains stuck until the acids from the chocolate erode his lower appendages until they dissolve, rendering him a shapeless blob of caramelized nougat.
-Veruca Salt: Dropped into an egg sorting mechanism that correctly judges her a bad egg and incinerates her, her last words being an incomprehensible shriek of doom.
The correct answer is Mike Teevee, because at least before he died he got to be on TV, and all that matters is grabbing as much fame as you can before you get snuffed out by one of Wonka's diabolical plans.