Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Haiti's Deal With The Devil

Bag on Pat Robertson all you want, but the man speaks the truth. Haiti actually did sign a deal with the devil back in 1810, and I've managed to dig up the contract. Here it is:

We, Haitians of 1810, do solemnly swear to subject ourselves to subservience to Satan in return for liberation from Napoleon III, or whoever. In exchange, our descendants in the year 2010 will pay for this liberation by dying horribly in a massive earthquake.

Also, we Haitians are entitled to all the Twinkies we want, even though they will not be invented for 130 more years. We deserve them advance because that's going to be one bastard of an earthquake in 2010.

All parties are sworn to secrecy on this deal, and violation of this clause renders it null and void. Napoleon gets Haiti back, and Haiti must give back the Twinkies. But the earthquake still happens because Satan drove a hard bargain.

Signed:

HAITIANS OF 1810

SATAN

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