1. Cheerios -- I'm pretty sure this is made by the same cardboard they used to make the boxes. Each bite takes you that much closer to depression rather than cheeriness.
2. Special K -- The reason this stuff has brand recognition as something that makes you thin is it's impossible to eat.
3. Shredded Wheat -- Munching on this makes you feel like a horse chewing on hay. I've never tried hay, but it's probably better than this.
4. Kix -- I understand why mothers approve, because they love to torture their children with things that taste terrible, such as vegetables. But I can't comprehend the assertion that alleged kids actually approved of this. Whoever these kids were, they clearly have never encountered sugar.
5. Raisin Bran -- It's like Corn Flakes, only with the added bonus of like seven raisins in the entire box. Bran Raisin should be its actual title, only with the word "raisin" in agate type.