Sunday, September 02, 2007

Interview: The Leprechaun

PV: Please don't kill me. I don't have your gold - I swear.

L: Your claim is a lie, timid little guy. Kill you I shall. We'll have a ball!

PV: Dude, that poetry was awful. Your syllable count is off and you tried to rhyme "shall" with "ball."

L: Criticize you may, my little friend Jay. But rhyme nor reason will prevent the ending of your season?

PV: Ugh. That was even worse than your last one. What the hell is wrong with you, Lep? Have seven horror films sapped your ability to put a couple threatening limerick versus together?

L: It's tough, man. Someone stole me gold, and I miss it. Ye ever hear that old line "Your treasure is where your heart is?" Well, me treasure is me gold. And thus my heart.

PV: I feel for you. But don't get all depressed on me. Remember back in Leprechaun 5: In Space, when you were blown up into a giant version of yourself and apparently killed?

L: Yeah, I totally remember that. What's your point?

PV: You totally came back in the next film, Leprechaun in the Hood, without any problem whatsoever! And when you were killed in that, you were back once again for Leprechaun: Back 2 the Hood! My point is, you're one resilient mofo.

L: I have me days. But now I'm sad and lonely because they're no longer be making me direct-to-DVD sequels.

PV: Well, that's OK. You can always sell your cereal!

L: Um. That be not me. That's another leprechaun, a frilly nancy by the name of O'Doyle. There's been a row 'tween our families for eons.

PV: Oh, sorry. You people all sort of look alike to me.

L: That be a racist comment. Makes me want to vomit.

PV: Oh haaail no. You rhymed "comment" and "vomit!" You disappoint me, Leprechaun. Your silly rhymes are usually my favorite parts of your idiotic flicks. I expect more from the man who once said "Drink if you like, drink if you're able. When you drink with the Leprechaun, you'll be under the table."

L: Aye, 'twas me better days. The 1990s. All was possible. The entire world was in front of me. Now look at me.

P: 'Twas me better days too, my brotha.

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