Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Coffee conundrum

I don't see how people become addicted to coffee, given how awful it tastes, which is at least better than its aftertaste - similar to that which you get when you lick asphalt.

It's like I know why people like coffee, cigarettes and hard liquor, because it's a chemical thing that associates the high of the product with the awful taste, twisting your senses into registering the nastiness as a positive. But what I don't get is how people swill enough coffee to fall under the influence to begin with. Making it is so labor intensive and buying it is so expensive. Getting addicted to coffee seems as appealing as slamming an aluminum bat against your nose.

Some people tell me they like coffee because they're into bitterness. For those people I have a recommendation: try some ape piss. It's even more bitter than your drink of choice.

By the way, it's true what they say about there being no accounting for taste. I loved enchiladas as a kid. Hate them now. Always hated olives until two years ago, but now I really like them - but only the high-class non-vinegarred olives you'll find at Sweet Tomato troughs or at the bottom of Olive Garden salad bowls. Regular canned olives are still revolting. Also, I hated grapefuit juice when i was 5, called it swamp juice. Now I love swamp juice so much I buy it flowers and pretend to laugh at its unfunny jokes.

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