Monday, April 28, 2008

The pleasures of blowing a bug off a urinal wall

I did this for the first time last week. On a bathroom break at work, I was tending to my business when I noticed a gnat on the wall beside the urinal. It was perched parallel to my face, and I think the perverted insect had one of his eyes pointed down toward my machinery.

Now I don’t know about you, but I’m not into the whole exhibitionist thing. I decided to remove the gnat, albeit in a peaceful manner, for although I’m adamant about protecting my private parts from viewings by bugs, I’m always looking for ways out of problems that don’t involve adding more violence to this beleaguered world. Instead of swatting the gnat down, I blew a small puff of air to attempt to remove it. The gnat would not back down so easily, his sticky feet clinging to the porcelain tile, his eye probably still pointed you-know-where.

Then I readied my powerful lungs, which have been tainted only by secondhand smoke, and unleashed a powerful gust of windborne destruction, the likes of which the gnat had never felt. So powerful was the gale force of my blow that it dislodged the gnat’s sticky feet and the creature was sent hurling into oblivion. I felt like Superman when he uses his freeze breath to kill a robot.

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