Thursday, December 18, 2008

Liquid Patience

I'm without my DS for the next couple weeks or so, until Nintendo customer service can warranty me a new one. I don't know how I'll survive life without my trusty sidekick, which I've nicknamed Liquid Patience. Because alcohol is liquid courage, and even though a DS is in no way a liquid I just like the way it sounds.

I'm fairly sure the writer of the Family Ties theme song had the DS in mind when he penned the words "What would we do, baby, without uh-uh-ussss, shalalala" (the word "us" later being substituted for "DS" by a meddling editor).

The DS makes me look forward to red lights, traffic jams and doctor's appointments rather than dread them, as I did before Liquid Patience first came into my life in October 2004. It's my little elf who talks me down from my frustrations, easing my misery with Mario, canceling out my trepidation with Tetris and absolving my agony with Advance Wars.

Books are one possible substitute for the lack of a DS, but their fatal flaw is illegibility in darkness. They won't comfort me in those trying minutes before a delayed movie screening gets started, nor when I'm driving through construction zones at night.

Another issue with books is how tough it is to mark exactly where you left off, so you end up needing to re-read to much as you drive.

The answer is a Kindle-like program for the DS, with touch-screen functionality that allows you to mark exactly which word you stop on as the red light turns green. Now that I've written that sentence whoever ends up making that owes me a percentage of the profits.

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