Wednesday, December 10, 2008

My Christmas card letter

Merry Christmas, everyone! It’s been quite an eventful year in the Vilarreal household. As busy as Jessica and I have been, the most accomplished member of our family is most definitely Luke. A year ago at this time he was little more than a mute, stumbling blob, but now he’s a dashing, jumping chatterbox who has taken over the run of the place. His theory, it seems, is today 5721 W. Cactus Garden Dr., tomorrow the world.

Jessica and I continue to tempt fate by doing the single-income thing. We’ve asked for a piece of the $700 billion government bailout but were denied because we foolishly flew into D.C. in separate corporate jets.

Jessica is having fun staying home with Luke, listening to him share his stories about the magnificence of garbage trucks and his theory that choo-choo trains are driven by genies. They engage in a constant, fluctuating philosophical debate on whether or not it’s appropriate to climb atop furniture and then leaping to the ground. Jessica’s contention is that the activity is dangerous, while Luke’s counterpoint is that not only is he invincible, but he’s sure to tell himself to “be careful” over and over whenever he does something dangerous.

I’m feeling great that I was seemingly the one newspaper movie critic in the country not to be laid off in 2008. My book, “Stormin’ Mormon” was released in January and while It has yet to attain bestseller status, surely it’s only a matter of time. It was moderately well reviewed, save for a rather harsh judgment from Luke, who dismissed the tome for its lack of garbage truck pictures, pop-up race cars and Elmo songs. His criticism was tough but fair, and I vow to fix the shortcomings in any future literary endeavors.

Goose, who has reached doggie middle age, is buddying up with Luke, attempting to form an alliance that gives them a filibuster-proof majority. Their hopes rest on the prospect of our yet-to-be named baby girl deciding to break party ranks to caucus with them. Goose has agreed to support Luke’s let-me-stay-up-past-8 p.m. platform so long as Luke continues to dish out the under-the-table bribes of breakfast cereal and peanut butter and jelly crusts. We’ve launched an investigation into the matter but have turned up nothing conclusive. Jesse Jackson Jr. was allegedly involved though.

We hope you’re doing great and wish you the best!

Love, Phil, Jessica and Luke

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