Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Why Hasselhoff and Rocky are the 'dream ticket'

I'm done with the 2008 election. It's time to shift my attention to 2012. I'm already disappointed with the current administration, whether or not it turns out to be led by McCain or Obama, and looking for change I can believe in. Or maybe a maverick who will buck the system and shake up the establishment.

My point, I guess, is that David Hasselhoff should be our president. His veep, of course, should be Rocky. Not Sylvester Stallone. Rocky. In full character, Stars-and-Stripes boxers and an oversize rob sponsored by a Philadelphia butcher. Could you imagine the things these guys could accomplish if we had the courage to let them come to power?

The visionaries who collectively brought us Baywatch, Knight Rider, six (six!) Rockies and four Rambos could so wreck that White House. Of course it would be only natural that Rocky would scheme to knock Hoff off his pedestal, maybe framing him in a scandal to get him to step down so he could assume the throne, but that's to be expected. I, for one, sure don't want a vice president that doesn't want the top spot.

Besides, can you imagine how great a negotiator Rocky would be? No one at the U.N. - not even that crafty weasel in Venezuela - could stand up to that death glare of his. He's not a man, he's a piece of iron.

And Hasselhoff could accomplish even greater things. Hasselhoff wakes up every day to an alarm clock radio that screams "Born in the USA" (OK, he has questionable taste in music), flosses with world peace, showers with wisdom and takes a morning dump of coherent foreign policy. He would rescue the world in the same way he and his band of buxom lifeguards once rescued foolish swimmers.

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