Monday, April 12, 2010

Going Viral

Forget all this Weight Watchers and South Beach and Atkins Friendliness and juice fasting. If you really want to lose weight, and lose it quick, get infected with a nasty virus. Plus you'll get a vacation.

The first day you'll be stuck in bed, unable to move, but your fever will be torching those pounds off. Plus, since your head throbs whenever you so much as get up to approach the bathroom, you won't be so motivated to raid the fridge.

The day fever will fall to the wayside on day 2, but the next four nights will be plagued with sleepless, jittery cold sweats that continue to trim your waistline. By the time the malady has moved into your chest and cold -- making you so unpleasant to talk to or be near that no one will ask you to go out to a caloric lunch -- you'll have lost five pounds, and will be on the way to be losing many more.

That is if you're still alive. If there are any takers, I will sell you my used Kleenexes at a dollar apiece.

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