Tuesday, April 27, 2010

New Laws The Arizona State Legislature Should Consider

-Ban Burritos: Keep them around and you'll never get rid of those pesky Mexicans. It's like milk bowls and stray cats.

-Fund Robotic Hand Cannon Program: Every citizen will have a semi-automatic robotic arm cannon with a silencer and rocket launcher capabilities fused to their dominant appendage.

-Forbid Health Care: Not only will Arizona ignore federal health care reform, but health care will not be allowed in any form whatsoever, in order to protect our Constitutionally-mandated right to die of pneumonia.

-Burn Every Public School To The Ground: The vacant land will be used for shooting ranges. And as an added bonus, this won't cause significant harm to our No. 49 in ranking education.

-Recognize George W. Bush As President Forever And Ever: He may not have been perfect, but at least he's got an authentic birth certificate and didn't choose to infringe on our civil liberties. Well, except for that whole Patriot Act thing.

-Ban Gibberish Languages: This is America, dammit, so speak American or go back home to your stupid country. Correct grammar and spelling optional.

-New Official State Bird: The Illegal Immigrant-Spotting Police Helicopter will replace the cactus wren.

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