Thursday, September 18, 2008

Take that, Skeletor

Whenever something good happens to me, I envision my arch-nemesis, Skeletor, staring into his crystal lava cauldron inside Snake Mountain. He's raising his fist and shouting "Curses!"

That's my motivation in life - not personal gain or the need to contribute something to the world, but simply to anger Skeletor. He's such a pompous bastard, and constantly rooting for me to fail, so anything I can do to agitate him is worthwhile.

(Some may be confused by the statement that Skeletor is my arch-nemesis, assuming that he's actually He-Man's arch-nemesis. To these morons I say don't believe everything you see on cartoons. He-Man isn't real. He's made-up fiction, much like Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Sarah Palin's vice presidential qualifications.)

I'm sure I pissed him off pretty bad today when I absolutely rocked "One Way or Another" on "Rock Band 2." I destroyed that song. If Blondie would have been there to see how much I rocked - playing lead guitar on medium, as all badasses do - she would have choked to death out of depression. I got five stars on the song. You know what that was out of? Five stars. That's right, got all five. Go back and read those last two sentences again. Unless you've already done so three times and appreciate how impressive that is, which in that case you're allowed to read on. Also, the game said I earned 250 more fans and $45.

I guarantee you this - of those 250 fans, one of them wasn't Skeletor. Nor were any of them Debbie Harry. It's safe to assume that one was probably Scarlett Johansson though.

No comments: