I wish I knew how to do this right -- complete with graphics and flash animation -- but I don't so you'll just have to bear with me. Inspired by (500) Days of Summer, I've put together a few greeting cards that might be of some use to people on V-Day.
COVER: I sort of want to bang you...
INSIDE: But have not yet ruled out the possibility that you're a psycho. So let's go out!
COVER: To my love on our 50th anniversary...
INSIDE: Will you die already so I can finally get my freak on again?
COVER: I love you...
INSIDE: But I throw that phrase around so often it's lost all its meaning. So basically this is just to say "'sup."
COVER: You set my heart aflutter...
INSIDE: Because your erratic behavior has beset me with a documented nervous condition.
COVER: It was love at first sight...
INSIDE: When I saw the zeroes on the end of your bank account. Thank you for letting me marry well!
COVER: I will long for you forever...
INSIDE: Or at least until my Viagra prescription expires.
COVER: Thank you for being with me today...
INSIDE: So what's the protocol for prostitutes? Do you charge extra on Feb. 14 or am I entitled to a pity discount?
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