The song: "Hoochie Mama," 2 Live Crew
The misinterpretation: "Big booty odds, get wit it"
The real lyrics: "Big Booty hoes, up wit it"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: My friend Tyler came up with this one while we were in Las Vegas. He was drunk and wearing heelies at the time and had just heard the song in the cab for the first time despite it having existed for more than 15 years. When you're in Las Vegas, you want big booty odds so you don't get home broke.
The song: "Glory of Love," Peter Cetera
The misinterpretation: "Like a knight in China"
The real lyrics: "Like a knight in shining armor"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: My sister Laura came up with this when she was 5, and since then the image of a knight in China has just stuck in my head. It works.
The song: "It's My Life," Bon Jovi
The misinterpretation: "Like Frankenstein I did it my way"
The real lyrics: "Like Frankie said I did it my way"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: The entire civilized world came up with this interpretation immediately upon the song's release a decade to go, and since then it has been obvious that Frankenstein is the way Bon Jovi should have gone with the song. I mean, Sinatra was known for doing it his way, and even wrote his own song about doing so, but no one -- and I mean no one -- did it quite like Frankenstein.
The song: "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," Tin Pan Alley
The misinterpretation: "Buy me some crackers and Apple Jacks, I don't care if you never come back"
The real lyrics: "Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: Another gem from Laura, age 5. Apple Jacks are better than Cracker Jack in all ways, and it's also funny to tell the person you're with at the baseball game to do something so impossible as to somehow get you some Apple Jacks. Then you add insult to insultry by saying you don't care if they never come back. Basically Laura's version of the song is to tell your seatmate that they're talking too much and you'd rather watch the game alone.
The song: "Up in Here," DMX
The misinterpretation: "Godspomaikmee do my mind"
The real lyrics: "Y'all gonna make me lose my mind"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: Drunken Tyler again. His reimagining of the lyrics recall that of an Estonian immigrant who has never heard the English language, yet is still inspired by the joyie de vivre of the music. Tyler thought so much of his version of his version of the song that he once made his own Talk City site titled Godspomaikmee Do My Mind. It was really funny, too. And then Talk City deleted everyone's site without telling anyone and it was lost forever, then from that point on, devastated Tyler vowed never again to make another website and has held true to the promise.
The song: "Viva La Vida," Coldplay
The misinterpretation: "Roman Catholic choirs are singing"
The real lyrics: "Roman calvary choirs are singing"
The reason the wrong lyrics are better: I was so sure it was "Roman Catholic choirs" that I bet Jessica, who knew otherwise, that it was. I lost the ability to name our daughter Emma because I was wrong. But then she thought about it and relented, and our daughter is named Emma. So I won, and even though things looked dark at the time, the big booty odds were up wit it.