Friday, March 26, 2010

Sports As Metaphors For Life

Football is like life because no matter what you do, you rely on the clockwork-like actions of several other people to mean success. You take devastating hits and spend most of your time waiting around for something to happen. And that clock is always running.

Baseball is like life because you need to wait your turn, benefiting from the work of those who came before you and doing your best to leave things better for those who follow you.

Basketball is like life because both consists of countless little victories and defeats, and it's important to keep an even keel -- never getting too high or too low -- but to maintain the cool that's necessary for success.

Hockey is like life because we're all stuck in the awkwardness of life, having to maneuver on a slippery surface at varying skill levels, constantly ready to burst out in fits of rage.

Soccer is like life because no matter how enthusiastic and daring our endeavors are, whatever we do is far more likely to end in failure. Even the possibility that we may be on the way to goals is worth reveling in and celebrating.

Golf is like life because despite all illusions to the contrary, we are devastatingly alone. And our accomplishments in our own personal vacuum will be constantly compared to those of others, and unless you are Tiger Woods there is always room left to ascend the neverending leader board. Satisfaction can only come from refinement, persistence and inner peace. And if you are Tiger Woods you're still never satisfied until you've managed to bed every revolting slut on the planet.

Bowling is like life because we take on the same routines over and over again, thinking we're doing things the exact same way, which led to success in the past, oblivious that no two attempts at anything are exactly the same, and the line between success and failure is decided in fractions of centimeters and just the right touch.

And NASCAR is like life because it's mostly boring and just going around in circles, save for the rare crashes and rarer victories.

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