Wanted: An evil land developer (preferably played by Shooter McGavin) to come in and threaten everything I hold dear, causing me to spring into action, come of age and set off on a rollicking 90-minute adventure that will culminate in a happy ending followed by end credits and bloopers.
I'll pay a competitive salary and handle moving expenses. Interested applicants should supply a cover letter, three references and notarized examples of your past experience in the field of attempting to ruin the lives of protagonists only to be given your comeuppance at the climax. I am not an equal opportunity employer and will actively discriminate based on race, religion and liking of the movie "WALL-E."
And don't forget to say you saw this post on jobing.com.